Taking Pills

Well, I'm breaking through my anonymous-life-line, here by telling you.

I've lowered my dosage of medication and I damn glad I did.

I am on 400mg a day, of clozapine, now this is a huge does, as I began on 2mg of Olanzapine...

I havent read into the actual, affect on the brain...

I do, know, it rewires you.

And when I'm rewired, I get sick. I've convinced them, I am groggy, and incoherent, a jumbling mess of groans and moans, so, I take it at night so I can function.

I take these pills to keep the peace.

I used to fight, and fight.

One day, I  got myself back and thought...

I will lower the dosage...(having observed how the new medicator watches me take the meds, I can put them behind my teeth, grin, without dribbling, then as I walk up the stairs, drop them into the cup, watch them dissolve...I even take meds with a cup of tea now...)

I take just one pill to help me sleep.

When you experience a drug, you should know, it takes a certain amount of time to have an effect...say 20mins for me.

And I feel, angry, extremely screamingly depressed at the same time.
At first I thought, I have a depressed personality, I've done some other soul wrong, so...

I don't know...bleeding cells, burning neurons.

The brightest times are here, now, because I'm no longer dull, and I even laugh in company...